


The Magnificent

by lady_readalot



Category: Chronicles of Narnia - C. S. Lewis
Genre: Gen, Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-24
Updated: 2014-08-24
Packaged: 2018-02-14 11:59:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2190987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lady_readalot/pseuds/lady_readalot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter wonders what title he's going to get at his coronation. Chaos ensues. CRACKFIC, no pairings, set at the end of LWW, rated T for swears, Movieverse. Oneshot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Magnificent

Peter, the soon-to-be king, waited expectantly for his turn to be crowned.

He'd felt rather excited when Aslan had given Lucy a title. He knew they would all get one the moment Lucy was proclaimed "Valiant" (Not a great title, but it was ok.) He wondered what he would get. Something epic, definitely.

Aslan moved on to Edmund next, crowning him "King Edmund the Just" (Because he was JUST Edmund. Snicker.)

When he reached Susan, she was named "Queen Susan the Gentle" (Yeah, THAT was going to strike fear into the hearts of many.)

Aslan turned to him. Peter, the head honcho, the oldest sibling, the king of kings.

" _I wonder what my title will be."_  He thought excitedly.  _"Maybe 'Peter the Awesome' or 'Peter the Glorious' or 'Peter the Outstanding'. Just don't let it be something lame. 'Gentle', honestly."_

"I name you High King Peter the Magnificent, ruler of all Narnia."

Peter's face revealed nothing, but he was doing a mental happy dance.  _"Hell YES! Magnificent, that is totally awesome! I'm a HIGH king too, not just a plain old king. In your face, Ed! HA!"_

Peter put on an epic pose just as the sun hit him at just the right time. It couldn't get any better than this.

And then came the sound that heralded chaos.

A chortle sounded somewhere from the audience. A snicker, a snort, a giggle, a titter, a snigger, a cackle, a sound of disbelieving mirth that caused Peter to see red.

He drew himself up to his full height, and stared regally into the audience. "Who laughs? Come share the joke, I'm sure we would all appreciate it!"

A small, insignificant faun in the third row stepped forwards.

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty." The inferior being said. "But I must disagree."

Peter turned crimson. "And why, may I ask?" He inquired regally. "I certainly deserve the title."

The faun rolled his eyes. "Doing what?"

Another voice spoke up in agreement to the faun's statement. The owner of that voice shocked Peter to his very core.

Edmund said "Yeah, why do YOU get to be Magnificent?"

Peter gripped the area over his heart. "Brother! You have betrayed me again! You are supposed to be supportive of my "magnificent" deeds. Or have you forgotten, all of you, who discovered the way into Narnia? Who spoke with Mr. Tumnus first? Who healed everybody with magic cordial? Who became the youngest Narnian monarch?"

A noble, valiant voice screeched up from a corner. "That was ME!"

Peter paused. "Oh, right. Sorry Lu. Well then, who owned everybody with their awesome archery skills? Who actually had a realistic reaction to the talking animals?"

Edmund snorted. "Susan."

Susan nodded gently. "Yes, that was me, Peter."

Peter thought for a bit. "Right then, who betrayed you all but made an amazing turn-around? Who nearly died because he was the only one smart enough to attack the witch's wand instead of the actual witch? Who becomes awesome next movie, but barely gets any lines?"

Edmund looked indignant. "Me!"

Peter wasn't going to give up. "Who sacrificed himself to the Stone Table? Who killed the Witch at the end?"

Edmund coughed. It sounded suspiciously like "Aslan."

"Ok then, who is the first real Narnian you ever meet?"

"Mr. Tumnus."

"Who got us out of the woods before the White Witch could find us?"

"I believe those were the Beavers"

"Who is a spoiled brat in the beginning, but becomes a nice guy by being turned into a dragon?"

Edmund frowned. "I have no clue who that one is."

Peter shrugged. "Neither do I."

The faun from below spoke up again. "That proves my point. Why do you get the title of Magnificent, exactly? You haven't really done much besides kill that wolf, and…that's it, really. I mean, we could have led an army without you, easy."

Peter was absolutely furious. "You doubt my awesomeness?" He picked up a conveniently-placed lemon cream pie from the nearby table. "Then eat this!"

He flung the pie in the startled faun's face.

He turned around triumphantly, only to receive a face full of ice-cream cake. Peter threw a chocolate pudding to retaliate, and hit Edmund instead.

Here began the food fight, recorded as the biggest Narnia has ever had. It went on for hours. When Aslan received a pistachio pudding to the back of the mane, it was clear that the food fight was to be put to an end.

And Peter had to admit, it had been pretty magnificent. Almost as Magnificent as him.


End file.
